I am a Living Sign: the Bob & Roberta Smith Diaries

•April 11, 2008 • 3 Comments

When you’re a poor writer, but enjoy going out, you have to be creative about drinking for free. Private views of new art exhibitions are one of London’s little known treats. Champagne, cocktails or simply beer and wine are handed out to the assortment of visitors, even though very few attendees appear remotely interested in the art. My latest journey into this secret world took me to the opening of Patrick Brill’s latest show.

Patrick Brill in one of his hatsPatrick (frequently sporting a hat) works under the pseudonym Bob & Roberta Smith. I have one of his pieces on my wall and I’ve always thought him an interesting artist. His new show is superb. If you have the chance, it’s well worth a visit to the Hales Gallery in Spitalfield’s Tea Building.

Most of the work, extracts from diaries (I didn’t ask whether real or fictional), takes the form of multicoloured painted signs, dated, that transport the observer to that same period in their own lives. The result was that everyone I spoke to at the exhibition seemed caught up in nostalgia for something.

Bob & Roberta Smith Peace CampBob & Roberta Smith Samizdat

In the central space stand various bronzes, in the shape of painted exotic fruit. The colour scheme matches the surrounding signs so the fit is a good one. Other objet d’art are scattered around the walls, such as this suitcase:

But is it art?For me, much of the joy of an art experience comes with the interaction between the viewer and the art. Like a quantum mechanical experiment, it should be impossible to separate the observer and the observed, so I hate galleries such as the Tate Modern which fence sculptures off when they were clearly designed to be entered, or put up “do not touch” signs when the tactile quality of a work is integral to its appreciation. But I must have been Tated, as it never occurred to me to open this case.

Later, post-exhibition in the pub, Patrick told me that there was “a wonderful object inside” had I only looked. I shall be returning to a crowd-free Hales Gallery soon to discover what it was and view the show properly, without the beer-swilling masses. I’d advise everyone to do the same and, when you get there, not to be afraid to interact.
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The Understudy

•April 11, 2008 • 1 Comment

Imagine you’re a performer, yet you spend almost all your time waiting in the wings. Desperate for your chance to shine, if the curtain does come up and it’s you the audience sees standing there, they’re instantly disappointed – perhaps there are boos. Such is the life of an understudy.

John Schwab looking slightly madJohn Schwab is one of those people who does all manner of interesting things. He directs and produces through his company Solution Films. He fronts a band called Film@11. He does a lot of voiceover work and, to add to all of the above, he’s an actor. You may have seen him. When Dr Who was revived with Christopher Eccleston and Billie Piper, John was the very first person to die at the hands of a dalek.

Sometimes John understudies. I last saw him shadowing Billy Zane in Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks at London’s Haymarket. Yesterday, it was off to the beautiful Old Vic where John was playing Kevin Spacey’s part opposite Jeff Goldblum in Speed the Plow. Apparently, if Jeff’s ever unable to perform, John’s his understudy too! Despite this, he never once got mixed up, and delivered Spacey’s lines perfectly.

I found David Mamet’s play itself is a bit hard to follow in the beginning, but as it went along it became stronger and stronger. The basic premise is that we begin in a Hollywood film studio in the office of the brand new Head of Production (Goldblum, playing Bobby Gould). When John (aka Charlie Fox) storms in, bringing with him the promise of a commercially successful prison movie from a famous director, the two high-five their way through the first act, finally interrupted by temporary secretary Karen. Fox bets the Head of Production five hundred dollars that he won’t be able bed Karen that very evening and Gould rises to the challenge.

The Head of Studio has apparently given Gould one of the most tedious-sounding books in history (about radiation slowly killing the planet and destroying the world) as a courtesy read. In turn, Gould gives the book to Karen who must bring her report to the Head of Production’s Hollywood mansion that evening.

Having read the book, Karen (normally played by Laura Michelle Kelly but in this understudy version by Emma Clifford), is somehow convinced it will make a critically acclaimed movie. Having slept with her, Gould is of the same mind and returns to his office the following morning to pitch the radiation film instead of the prison movie.

Speed the Plow production informationAt this point I was partly wondering if Kevin Spacey had planned to put a brilliant, crowd-pleasing play on at his London theatre, only to sleep with someone the night before who persuaded him to go with something else entirely. Speed the Plow, however, is saved by a magnificent third act where Charlie and Karen appeal to the different aspects of Gould’s nature to persuade him to go with the pitch they each want.

John pulls out all the stops with his performance. By the end, the audience (admittedly packed with friends) cheered wildly through several curtain calls. If either Goldblum or Spacey are unable to perform over the next fortnight, I’m sure that, by the end, the real audience would have been won over to do the same.
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Hard Candy

•April 7, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Madonna\'s Candy Shop previewWhen I’m not writing Johnny Mackintosh books, I sometimes get to work on Music and Entertainment programmes for ITV. Tonight, Emily and Stacy from Warner Records hosted a preview of Madonna’s new album and video, conveniently located on my street.

The location was as fabulous as you would expect, a giant loft apartment festooned with ubercool 1950s Japanese robots. The album is titled Hard Candy, apparently “a juxtaposition of tough and sweetness”, so the decoration was massive lollipops, while the ubiquitous trays of jelly beans were washed down with champagne. Everywhere, Madge’s face stared out from magazine covers. Madonna Hard Candy preview magazines

A tie-in with Justin Timberlake and production by The Neptunes gives the album the strong beats you’d expect. It’s doubtless a sign that Madge is still keeping up with the times, but on first listen the “hard” of the heavy background detracted from the “candy” buried within some of the songs. The full tracklist is

  1. Candy Shop
  2. 4 Minutes (ft Justin Timberlake and Timbaland)
  3. Give it 2 Me
  4. Heartbeat
  5. Miles Away
  6. She’s Not Me
  7. Incredible
  8. Beat Goes On (ft Kanye West)
  9. Dance Tonight
  10. Spanish Lessons
  11. Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You
  12. Voices

4 Minutes is the new single. When she sings, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” you wonder if Madonna’s flesh-coloured underwear was one of them. It’s not often I feel sorry for Guy Ritchie, but watching his missus wearing that gave me a couple of moments when I did. Overall, though, the video works well and I definitely wanted the giant countdown timer that’s standing in the background. We see Madge at her blonde best. She may look better as a brunette, but then she isn’t Madonna. In a few years she’ll have gone the way of Cher but, for now, the platinum locks still look the part and, when they’re set off against tight black leather leggings, the grandmother of pop can even still be called sexy.

Madonna Hard Candy preview showing giant candy

Taking the rest of the album in order… title track Candy Shop and Give it 2 Me were largely the sandwich for the excellent 4 Minutes filling. Hidden within Heartbeat, the “You know I feel it in my heartbeat” riff held echoes of earlier times, particularly Material Girl, but it’s buried beneath the bass. Miles Away is wistful, but dragged on miles too long. She’s Not Me truly shows off Madge’s dance roots and heads into electronica, with some unmistakably OMD-style chords in the background. Again, in Incredible there’s a beautifully melodic song tapping softly against the bass, politely asking to be let out. By the time we hear (the Kanye West accompanied) Beat Goes On, we know for sure that it does and wish there was just a little respite from it. Dance 2night is a straight throwback to Madonna’s earlier Erotica (and no bad thing for that). Then, we’re shocked out of our dance trance by the flamenco guitars that open Spanish Lesson, but the moment is short-lived. Hard Candy ends on a double high of Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You, before the orchestrally enhanced Voices that rounds it all off in style.

Her eleventh Warner studio album, the whole thing is constructed and flows well. More importantly, it has some potentially great Madonna-style songs. As you’ll have guessed by now, I longed for someone to come along and remix the thing, taking the hardness off so we can taste the candy properly – but I always did have a sweet tooth. Maybe it’s me stuck in a the 80s and 90s sweetshop while its Madge getting down with the kids on the street…
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Project Age Range

•April 6, 2008 • 6 Comments

Plans are afoot by the Publishers Association to put recommended reading ages onto the covers of all children’s books. I’m off to a meeting at Random House at the end of the month where I shall argue against Project Age Range, but it seems the decision has already been taken.

I did wonder whether I was alone in loathing the idea, but I posted on the Arts Council funded writing site, YouWriteOn and the reaction was a horrified universal no.

The plan is to put one of:

    0+
    5+
    7+
    9+
    12+

onto every book. When children’s reading skills develop at such different rates, what better way to stigmatize a slow developer than by giving a clear indication before their classmates that they can’t cope with a book when apparently they should. And if a 12 year old loves a particular series, might they not decide it’s uncool to keep buying those books when they explicitly say 9+ or even 7+ on the cover? And imagine an author writing for a target age group, who may not want to risk the age category on the cover being altered. Surely the option would be to play safe, even when the characters and story demand a different approach to turn the book into a truly great read?

Bookshops already do a fine job of pointing uncertain adult buyers in the right direction (this is the target group for whom age guidance is apparently necessary). Prescribing reading ages on book covers is clearly to the detriment of the children themselves.
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The Science of Survival

•April 4, 2008 • 2 Comments

Last year I worked on The Science of Spying for the Science Of… team at London’s Science Museum. Today, they invited me back to view the exhibition that followed in our footsteps: The Science of Survival. It’s really interesting to see a different team’s approach to creating a major exhibition.

The Science of Survival uses a lot of animation, with four kids from the year 2050 talking about survival in the future. The exhibition opens with them explaining a bit about life in their time, but then their comlink goes down and you step forward in time. In the middle of the current climate change frenzy, coupled with the 2050 theme, the team could have taken an apocalyptic view and, with only static on the screen in front of me, I wondered if I was going to enter some sort of waterworld. Of course that doesn’t happen – the future proves welcoming, almost utopian, and our four young guides offer contrasting views on different survival ideas, which balance each other nicely.

One thing I must say is not to be shy. There is water once you’re through the entrance, and you can stand on it, making waves and scaring the fish, without even getting your feet wet. Make sure you doMind the fish

There are other interactions about reclaiming water (be careful not to eat the frogs) before you move on to designing futuristic foods, or fighting your fellow visitors to see who can eat the most pizza and bananas. The standard Science Of… brief would be for kids aged 8+ but, for younger children, there’s a great dressing up area in one corner.

You can also design a future transport system and a home to live in, but the attraction that I suspect will prove most popular is a driving game, whizzing around Future City collecting as many friends as you can for a party. I’m delighted to say I ended up with the top score. I know that because almost all the interactions are linked up and you start each one by touching a card on an electronic reader. Then, as you leave the exhibition you can see the effect of all your choices together on future city.Future City Panorama

The whole thing looks like a giant multi-user version of the Sims and it’s great to see the effect you as a visitor have had on this future urban idyll.

Of course there’s serious information behind all the bells and whistles. I learnt about the proposed Mega-City Pyramid for Tokyo and also the more modest but still impressive Middlehaven redevelopment in Middlesbrough. There’s a hydrogen fuel cell model racing car (the H-racer) from Horizon technologies and a model of Nissan’s Pivo car. I’m told they’re hoping to have the real thing in the entrance to the exhibition soon. I would have liked something on wave and tidal power as (for the UK at least) these technologies have massively more potential for generating clean renewable energy in the future, but everyone seems to overlook them in favour of the much more limited solar and wind power. But you can’t have everything and I did fulfil the ambition of a lifetime by building my own underground house.

You leave the Science of Survival to enter the exhibition shop. I particularly liked this Easter Island style display of wind-up penguin torches:Easter Island penguins

If you’re looking for somewhere to occupy, entertain and educate the children when down in London, the Science of Survival should be high up on your list.
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Here’s Johnny!

•April 3, 2008 • Leave a Comment

“Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space. Listen…”

So begins the introduction to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (conceived by the wonderful Douglas Adams). Growing up in Nottingham, England, I always thought it was an incredible waste that space was so big, yet I could never see any of it. Even if I’d been born American and enrolled into a NASA astronaut programme, I’d have been one of the luckiest guys on Earth if I’d made it as far as the Moon, or even Mars. It seemed so wrong that I’d never be able to go where I really wanted to.

So I made up stories – about creating faster-than-light drives, being abducted by aliens, winning the favour of the Emperor of the Galaxy and getting my own starship. Secretly, I’d be able to protect the Earth from marauding alien hordes, while its citizens quietly went about their business, oblivious to the danger. So the story of Johnny Mackintosh was born.

In exactly three months to the day, Johnny Mackintosh and the Spirit of London will be published in the UK. I’m embarrassed that, until now, I’ve not given my ink and paper offspring much of a web presence. To correct that, my publisher (Quercus) has sent me to an event with the very grand title of Independent Alliance Author Web Conference.

Here I am, sitting in the world’s hottest computer room with around twenty other Independent Alliance authors, imagining IA Stormtroopers training their blasters on us as they force us to blog. Once we’re done, in what could be a world first, we’ll all link to each other’s blogs and so a new virtual community will be born.

In reality, the Independent Alliance is a group of supercool publishers that includes my own Quercus and also the likes of Faber. But the name instantly calls up the idea of a collection of free-thinking worlds, defying an evil empire and keeping the candle of freedom burning so there’s still hope in the Galaxy. I feel that image is particularly appropriate as Johnny Mackintosh and the Spirit of London could be described as a little like Star Wars meets Harry Potter, only no one’s heard of it. But hopefully, that’s about to change…
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